And we wait...

It has been a rough couple of days. It will be a long month if we have to wait until April 30th for his surgery. I am not sleeping very well and I feel sick to my stomach a lot. I keep thinking of the moment when I will hand him over to the surgeons and hoping that I will be able to keep myself together.

I have been strengthened so much by all the people that love our family. Everyone is so willing to help and we can feel their prayers. It has been amazing. The Lord not only loves my sweet little Isaac, but he loves me as well. I know he is bringing me all this love and support because I need it.

I have been able to talk with 2 moms who have gone through this themselves. I didn't know either of them before, but we had an instant bond. Their boys had this surgery 3 years and 4 years ago, and they still remember strongly all these emotions and they cried with me. One told me "You are stronger than you think you are." She also said that she can only see her little guy's scar when she is combing his hair and to her it is just a reminder of how blessed they are to have him in their family. I know I will be talking with both of them more as I try to sort through all of this. One of them said that her brothers had shaved their heads when her son went in to show support. I think that I will have Isaac's brothers, Jeff and Josh, shave their heads with him. It will be a nice way to help them feel connected to this process.

I worry a lot about how Isaac's siblings will handle all of this. I am trying to have life continue on as usual even though I have a hard time thinking about anything else besides this surgery. It seems like our world is on hold until we know for sure when he will be going in.

I have been reading and re-reading this scripture a lot lately...

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27